elle jay*

so after spending late afternoon and evening with our friends from ireland i found out a couple things.. 1) they smoke more often than i thought and i dont mean cigarettes and 2) fluffy ducks are amazingly delicious. and im not talking about the cute things that swim around in ponds and quack. im talkin [...]

today was a pretty good day. granted i didnt get up when i wanted, but it wasnt much  later than planned, just a couple hours. my room is clean and all rearranged. it looks great. i got up to my newly fixed room and showered, hung out with a sexy nerd and then visited with [...]

today started off pretty fuckin shitty. i wanted to get out of bed, but my phone had no signal. i couldnt call my friend to come help me. no one was home so i couldnt yell down to anyone to come up to help me either. all i could so was sit in bed and [...]

theres no such thing as fairy tales. no happily ever afters, no hugs and kisses. no i love yous by the dozen. there is no fairy god-mother here to grant your wishes. good doesnt triumph over evil. animals dont help with chores and most people cant sing. theres no such thing as prince charming. he [...]

3 hours of sleep + 16 hour day = way too many fucking emotions. im aggravated, annoyed, upset, angry, grouchy… the list goes on. that job thing fell thru. the animal shelter rocked. i started reading book #1. i didnt do origami today. i need a new caregiver. i cleaned part of my room. need [...]

so after i wandering around the internet for a while, i thought i would stop by a site i hadnt been to in a while.. craigslist. sometimes i like to go and read the rants or the silly missed connections. i used to go there looking for a job, but it seemed like every time [...]

its 11:11. i have no idea what to write about tonight. ive been working on my origami some more. ive mastered the origami balloon. tomorrow i start my volunteering at an animal shelter. my list is slowly being conquered.. im kinda of in a blah mood at the moment. im not happy, but im not [...]

damaged goods, thats what i feel like today. im trying extremely hard to not get into a rut. its a bad place to be. but im tired today.. emotionally, spiritually, somewhat physically. im trying to stick to my new schedule with getting up at a set time and actually being productive during the day, but [...]

im trying not to let things get to me as much as they used to. it doesnt matter what anyone thinks about me or how i look.. as long as i like it, fuck them (thats the attitude im going for.. and im truly trying to stick to it). so that hat i was talking [...]

i know for a fact im not the prettiest girl in the world. however, i also know for a fact that im not the ugliest. im floating in between in some sort of looks limbo. i never feel quite right in anything i wear. half the time i think i look good, then i look [...]

so i was just flipping channels, thinking about what i would write about tonight.. had a couple different ideas. then i stopped on e! or whatever channel it was.. they were talking about a show called “toddlers & tiaras”. seriously.. are you fuckin kidding me? these little girls are like 3 or 4.. maybe 5. [...]

someone very important to me is all about lists. im going to have to agree, list making is an amazing concept and its about time i make one for myself. so, im hoping by the time 2009 is nearing an end, that i will be able to say ive accomplished everything on it. 1. paint [...]

i think ive heard that phrase more often than any other one. its true tho, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. i was thinking about it earlier today, about my future, that is. i wish, just for a brief moment i could have a look into some magical crystal ball and see what it [...]

this was written at least 10 years ago, but a lot of it still rings true with how i feel to this day. my life sucks. i hate everything about it. i especially hate the fact that im in a wheelchair. it sucks. i want to be normal. i dont want to be judged because [...]

ive never been one to totally let my guard down. im far too self-conscious to do that. i always have it in my head that im being judged.. maybe i am and maybe im not. but try telling my brain that once i get that thought in my head. im pretty shy as well and [...]