i want a lot of things, but i dont necessarily need them all. in fact, i know i dont. so i know that im trying to lose weight.. yet today i had a reeses peanut butter cup. why? cause i wanted it. its a mindset i need to get rid of. i didnt need it, but i had it anyway. i realize that one peanut butter cup isnt the end of the world. however, if im serious about losing this weight, which i am, then i need to not take that one little piece of chocolate. i want to lose the weight.. but i also need to. i know what i wanna get down to, and i will. it may take me a couple years, it might happen sooner.. i dont know, mainly because i dont know how easy it will be to lose it. but however long it takes, im willing to stick it out.
its something ive wanted for a long time. and now, i feel like im actually in the right frame of mind to do it. i want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with myself. i want to feel good and i want to look good. i know i still wont be the prettiest, i cant change that. but i can change my weight.
it is hard tho, food is a great fuckin thing. especially when youre feeling depressed. its comfort. i know its what ive used in the past, the major draw back with it tho is that as soon as you eat, you feel guilty. then upset. then more depressed.. so what do you do? eat more. its a vicious, vicious circle. but im done with it. im breaking that cycle. there are more productive things out there to do then shove food down my throat. i havent done the depressed binge eating in a long time, but it has been done in the past. but now.. instead of that, im going to draw.. or blog.. or crochet.. anything except give in to my old habits.
the worst part is all the fucking ads they have on tv, in magazines or just driving down the street. its everywhere, around every corner and everyone needs it to live. my will power needs to be stronger.. and i truly feel like im ready to punch my weight in the fucking face and overcome it. i want it more now than ever and i need it. and when i do, itll be one of my greatest accomplishments.. with so many more to follow after.