i have a lot of family issues going down. there are some things going on with my brother right now. i dont know how i feel about the whole thing.. my mind is all over the place, tbh. its a lot to deal with tho. it saddens me to be honest to kno whes gotten to this point. i know he hasnt really been there for me and we have never really gotten along.. but at the end of the day hes still family, hes still my big brother. hes never been the type to really do anything like this.. he was the kid that would come home for a visit and buy beer just cause he could and we would end up with an unopened case in the fridge when he left.
yea, he has had his extreme moments.. hes covered in tattoos, he has had more cars since he turn sixteen than i can count on two hands, he makes elaborate plans to do things that he never follows thru with.. but now.. to be caught up in pills and who knows what else. it scares me. addiction does run in my family. my dad drank for years. my parents marriage was on the rocks for a long time because of it and they almost ended up divorced. he straightened up tho and has been sober for twenty years now.. maybe more. i just hope my brother is strong enough to break the cycle he created for himself. and i hope to god or whatever is out there that it isnt anything more than pills.
i also dont want to see my ma hurting. i know shes more upset than shes showing. and even tho we have been arguing a little bit here and there.. regardless of whats going on with her and i, even if its something major. i never wanna see someone in my family, especially my ma, hurting like she is.
im off for now to go try and relax with my thoughts… but tomorrows another day!