a little over a month to be exact. sorry for the delay in posts, but this time there is a legitimate reason. unfortunately, its a reason i wish i didnt have. two days after my last post my family received some bad news. it was 2am and i couldnt sleep, neither could he. so we were hanging out online together. the phone rang. without thinking i said, “its either my brother or something happened.” i couldnt quite make out the conversation being held. the only words i heard were ‘investigation’ and ‘in his sleep’. i already knew, but didnt want to jump to any conclusions. then i heard it.. my ma crying. everyone has heard their mother cry at some point or another.. not like this tho. unless youve been in a similiar situation. her cry was so.. raw. it hit me in a way ive never experienced before and it broke my heart to hear it.
i still didnt know for sure what was going on.. so i called into into the other room. finally, she came into my bedroom and told me that my brother had passed away in his sleep. i went numb. i had emailed him less than a week prior about christmas eve. telling him to stop being a douche towards ma, that she just worries about him and whether or not he likes it, its her job. i told him he should consider coming to the house christmas eve and spend it with the family like we used to do not go downtown with friends.. that his family needs to see him, that we miss him. he never replied back.
from the 30th on is slightly blurry. there was a lot of family over every day without fail. lots of food being delivered and the phone ringing off the hook. random family friends coming by.. it was like grand central station. it still feels surreal. i know i didnt know him all that well considering he didnt live near us and we hardly spoke, reagardless he was my brother. i miss him and ive cried over it more times than i can count. i dont know what to say about it at the moment, but im sure as it sinks in more and more ill post about it. for now, im just going to try and move forward.
Death, the one appointment we all must
keep, and for which no time is set.
Charlie Chan