elle jay* » determined http://www.ellejay.com nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Wed, 18 Aug 2010 00:11:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 elle jay* http://0.gravatar.com/avatar/8a6bc269a9181f0a68a5d1bc61bce9d0.png?s=48 http://www.ellejay.com the internet.. http://www.ellejay.com/2009/08/the-internet/ http://www.ellejay.com/2009/08/the-internet/#comments Thu, 20 Aug 2009 04:00:39 +0000 elle http://ellejayxoh.wordpress.com/?p=573 who would have thought it was useful? certainly not me, lol. ok, i know it is but today i was on facebook and actually used it to find people for the first time. yea, ive had the fuckin page for like 4 months or some shit and have just started searching for people.. and what do you know, i found about 20 amazing people i used to go to camp with. so, im quite thrilled to be back in touch with them or at least excited to have opened up the lines of communication with them ;D maybe ill have to try it with myspace next, lol.

i think the main reason i didnt search for people i knew sooner was because i didnt wanna share my writings with people i knew. i think that– no, i know that i have a huge fear of rejection and if i let people get too close or know too much about me or my thoughts that theyll reject me in some form or another. i dont know how to get out of that mindset, but im working on it. its one of the many things im working on about myself. so theres no time like the present to let people in.. dont get me wrong, theres still only one person who knows everything about me and that ill share things with that i might not blog about.. but i still need to open myself up to other people, try not to be so shy or so worried. not everyone is going to like me and you know what.. if they dont, thats their loss.. cause i am a pretty amazing person. granted, even i dont always believe that.. but it doesnt mean its not still true. im really not trying to sound conceited, lol. anyway, time to let people into my world and see whats really going on in my head..

aside from the facebook thing, i dont really have anything specific to write about so im gonna ramble, lol.. i need to write a blurb for my graphic design website, which ill drop in the side bar when its up and running. i dont know what to write tho, im not good at writing blurbs. i also need to work on a couple new deisgns.. fuck, i need to load a bunch of brushes into photoshop still. ok, so i know in my last blog i told you about the weight loss.. but i just have to say it again cause im just so excited about it.. ive lost about 15lbs in about 2 months i think. thats amazing! and its not even close to my goal weight, but thats what im excited about.. well, more so about my trip to england when its reached.. its what keeps me motivated and ive realized thats what i was always missing in the past. there was nothing i really wanted, no goal i could set for myself.. but now, with him being over there and really just wanting to prove it to myself that i can do this.. im determined. plus, like i said, it also means new ink! yay!

alright, i really am just rambling now.. so im going to head to bed and get on the case tomorrow with blurbs, photoshop, crocheting and umm.. idk, art maybe and of course wii’ing. ;D

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