aside from that, ive gotten back into my art. i think ive finally found what i really enjoy doing. line drawings. it sounds simpler than it is, lol. but believe me, its hundreds of lines one after another.. its quite therapeutic to be honest. its great to just turn on some music and get to work. and then after im done with all th elines i add color with my chalks. the pieces look amazing and it feels good to actually have completed pieces especially since i havent had a completed piece in a long time. i think i got overwhelmed with what ive tried to do in the past, but with the newer pieces i finished i made them much smaller than i had been trying to do. i figure i can work my way up to larger pieces. im definitely going to be doing more of these because what id really like to do is sell them online. i have some other technics i wanna try out too, which i plan on doing tomorrow. all i can say is.. i fucking love sharpies. the pens are amazing and the markers rock as well, lol.

anyway, nothing else has really been going on.. just the usual. i think im gonna head to bed tho. hes got an early wake up call waiting for him cause he has treats to pick up from post office today, yay! so, off to sleepydoodles for me.. and more art tomorrow and a post. oh! ill tell you about my new book tomorrow :) yay!

speaking of diets.. only 27 more pounds to go before i hit my short term goal. so, yay! i also think my sleeping schedule is back on track. its been a long time since ive been ready to go to bed by 10/11pm, but for the past couple days i have been and then ive been up around 8am.. on my own accord! lol, that hasnt happened in ages! i just need to keep it up, especially when the folks go out of town. thats when it could go downhill. i refuse to let it tho. i kind of like being up early, getting my to-do list for the day together and then slowly checkin them off. feels like im accomplishing thing.. well, thats cause i am, but it feels better to actually be able to check whatever it is off the list. see the progression rather than just move from one thing to the next.

so, ive been thinking about the new ink i want and as much as i want to do it right this second.. i think im going to wait until i reach my short term goal. just like im waiting til im out in england to finish it, i have to wait til i hit my 30lbs by april 1st mark before i can start it. i think itll be the perfect reward and then i can take new pictures of myself 60lbs lighter and with new ink. itll be perfect! anyway, i have things to do! time to get on the case :)

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.
Mike Murdock

thats what i realized today. ive lost 1.5lbs in a matter of 3 days. why? cause im determined. im motivated. ive got that grrrr factor back and im not letting it slip away again! ive added new things i can do to exercise even when im sitting in bed.. kinda like im doing now while i type this post. its eleven at night and im exercising even tho i can wait til the morning. why? cause i want this more than anything and i have deadlines and goals to meet. even the littlest movements can help, thats obvious after my last weigh-in. and it will be even more obvious after the next one and the one after that and so on ;D

30lbs by april 1st. pfft, thatll be a piece of proverbial cake ;D lol. for now tho i need sleep, i have a business meeting in the morning with my cousin! sleepydoodle time! positive mental attitude for the win! lol

When you know what you want
and you want it badly enough,
you’ll find a way to get it.
Jim Rohn

the diet is first and foremost. ive already decided that im going to start using that arm exercise thing i have in my room. i cant use it every day because it does make my arms extremely tired. so, ive decided to use it a couple times a week for a few minutes and continue wii’ing at least an hour every day, no less!! no more cheat days, no excuses. i also need to start getting up by at least 10am at the latest even if i go to bed late, which i usually do whether i want to or not. im hoping to get into a routine so that maybe by 10 or 11 at night im ready for sleep. that would be ideal.

i have other things i need to keep focused on as well. another one of my major revolutions is to get my graphic design site up and running. ive set a goal for the end of february for that one. id like to have the site running by then. cause i cant get paying customers if i dont have my shit together. ive done a lot of stuff for people, but its all been pro bono.. which is absolutely fine with me. its been a great learning experience and ive loved it and continue to.. especially when its for him, hes so anal about it, but its made me work harder and ive gotten to the point that i can make him happy with a graphic on the first try.. at least a few times ive been able too, lol. however, its time i also start getting paid for my time/work. so.. getting the site going is one of my top revolutions!

another is my art. i really need to get back into it. obviously graphic design is art, but i mean more like my paintings and drawings. i have some ideas in my head and i cant wait to get them down on paper or canvas. i also need to keep blogging on a daily basis. no more slacking there either! im pretty sure thats it for my revolutions.. at least so far. i think its a pretty good start tho!

see you later 2009.. hello, 2010!
viva la revolución! ;p [that ones just for you, lol.. well us, but ya know.]

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language.
And next year’s words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
T.S. Eliot

i never thought i would be able to do this, but im so happy this dit is working out for me. ive wanted it for so long and had honestly given up cause nothing seem to have worked. now that it has, im feeling wonderful! dont get me wrong, diet food sucks. big time. but the end result is what im after and as my ma keeps telling me.. “nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” im going to believe her on that one because i know im already feeling great even tho i still have a long way to go.

more exercise is in my future. i cant do much, but its time i start taking what i can do and pushing myself just a little more. not too much tho, i know all too well the effects of overdoing it for myself. thats when i end up getting hurt because im too tired to transfer properly. none of that, its not allowed anymore. i have found some things i can do in my chair for exercise, which is perfect cause while him and i watch jack bauer kick major ass in 24, i can burn calories. my chair has a power seat, so i can lay it back. that way i can do modified sit-ups. its perfect! and its obviously working, so yay!

my birthday is coming up and normally id have a yummy coffee from starbucks and later on in the evening we would go out for dinner. this year, instead of starbucks im just going to have a regular coffee from home with non-fat cream. however, i already decided im gonna use real sugar. ive tried the other shit and thats just what it is, shit. im skipping starbucks coffee, im keepin my damn sugar, lol. and we are still going to go out for dinner. im not worried about that. ive gone out quite a few times since i started the diet and have made very good choices. plus, it kind of pushes me to do a little more exercising, lol. i am sad tho cause ive sworn off dr pepper until im in england. that may sound lame to most people, but i love dr pepper. love, love love it. its all empty calories tho and i dont need those. im gonna miss it tho, haha.

moving on, ive heard from my friend. the one that i got into a fight with back in september. i refused to call her because i felt it was time for her to be the one to step up and take responsibility for how she acted. i wasnt about to call and fix things, she needed to do it when she was ready. apparently, she was ready at 3:40 this morning. we talked for ten minutes or so. she said she didnt wanna miss my birthday [i missed hers.. well i didnt miss it, i wanted to call, but didnt wanna break so i stood my ground] and that she missed me. im happy she called, i missed her too even tho i was mad at her. i think im going to invite her to go to dinner with us on tuesday. :)

its funny that she called and my parents are going  out of town. normally she would be the one to stay with me, but since we werent on speaking terms i had to ask a different friend. im sure we will all still hang out and her and i will definitely be heading to the tattoo parlor so i can start my new ink. i cant wait for that! its almost theraputic. it hurts, but it feels good and i tend to let my mind wander and get lost in my own thoughts while its being down. its just phase one of the new ink tho.. i cant finish it til i get to england and i cant get to england til i get to my goal weight. its all about motivation and positive mental attitude. and thankfully, i have both of those even tho my attitude may slip at times.. it always goes back to it ;D

anyway, its off to bed for me! i have new products to add to our site tomorrow and exercising to do!

Ability is what you’re capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.
Lou Holtz

so this diet is frustrating. of course im excited about the results thus far, but still.. diets in general suck. i miss flavor, lol. sometimes i just want something bad for me. this whole veggies, fruits, salads blah blah blah.. gets boring and it lacks in deliciousness. i know for a fact that without my movitation and goal i set for myself at the end of this ordeal, i would have already called quits. however, the trip at the end will prove to myself that i can do it. i can stick with something i put my mind to, no matter how much it sucks at the time. i guess in the past ive given up as soon as something became to difficult, fuck just look at my transcripts from college.. lots of W’s. anyway, as much as it sucks.. im finishing it. im going to england. im getting new ink. i have to keep repeating this, so sorry if it gets old.. but its my blog, so ;p lol..

anyway! i had a surprise visit from a friend of mine tonight. hes was always the spontaneous, never make plans kinda guy and its always nice to bullshit with him when he makes those randoms stops. we got to hang out for an hour or so, maybe longer.. i dont know to be honest, i know i was in sl with him and then my friend came in, but no idea how long i was gone. eitherway, im bringing him to england with me, lol. hes been askin to help me shower for the past.. ooh idk, six years maybe lol.. so, now ill let him.. maybe.. who knows?

im tired.. and rambling.. so bedtime for me.. no plans for tomorrow, its a play it by ear day, yay!

the diet is going well, ive lost a couple more pounds. im down a shirt size or two and my rings will no longer stay on my fingers. ive also been saving up for my trip to england once i hit my goal weight. im really excited about that and it it definitely keeping me motivated. whenever i think about how much dieting actually sucks and wonder why im going it to begin with, i just remember that i get to go hang out with him and get some fresh ink while im out there as well.

speaking of him, were slowly progressing with the website, check out the side bar for links. products are up and payment methods work.. were just trying to get the blog going for it, otherwise its good to go. granted we will continually be adding products and stuff, but theres enough on there now for it to get off its feet. i know ive said it before, but him and i make a good team. except when we distract each other from the task at hand, like the website, lol. but even then still a great team! team geek ‘86, lol. none of you will know what that means and i refuse to explain. ;p

my ma is had been getting on my nerves, but im dealing with it as best i can. tomorrow were going to the mall cause she wants to get on a familu plan for the phones. basically she wants to be on my plan. it annoys me, but shes balckmailing me, so i have to. who knows tho, maybe itll make my phone bill cheaper in the long run anyway.. nothing wrong with that!

aside from all that, not much has been going on.. so im going to head to bed and see where my day takes me tomorrow. oh! if you dont know what yearbookyourself.com is.. check it out, ill link it in the side bar. it is fuckin hilarious! him and i are still laughing about it, lol.

i went to the movies with my ma today. i havent been to the movies in awhile. we went and saw the brothers bloom, it was a good movie. mark ruffalo and adrian brody are always nice to look at tho lol. after we got out of the show we ran into a sea of people waiting to see the new pixar movie. literally, a sea of people. these fuckin nutters seriously were lined up INSIDE the theater waiting for the one show to end so they could then go in. the line was even blocking one of the exits. it was ridiculous. i dont understand people today. theres no way my ma would have waited with us to go see that  if we were little, just like i wouldnt wait if i had kids. it would be a “sorry kids, maybe next weekend.”

on our way back to the car a man passed us. now, ive been in the chair since i was seven. i have had people stare at me all my life, but none in all my years to the extent this man did. he had been staring since he turned the corner onto the block and when he got about 10-15 feet away made eye contact. and not like normal ‘hey thats a person, im going to acknowledge them and look away cause they caught me staring’ kinda eye contact.. but like borderline creepy/uncomfortable eye contact. as he passed us he literally turned his head and body to continue. it was weird. i looked back just to make sure he was gone cause he kinda creeped me out. we headed to the shop afterward for some shit my ma needed and went to park in the handicap spot, but it was occupied.. by a guy waiting on someone in the shop.. and he didnt have tags. some people are such assholes. the spots are there for a reason and its not ok, even if youre ‘just running in for a minute’. we shouldnt have to ask you to move so i can get out of the car when i want. jackasses, you know who you are.

following that we headed home and i had dinner. my diet is going exceptionally well. honestly, i thought id be hungry and stuff. im not in the least. i dont think ive ever had all the servings of veggies and fruits youre supposed to have in a day, ever. i am now lol. the only thing thats killin me about the whole thing is all the extra transfers for the bathroom cause of all the water ive been drinking. after that, i headed upstairs and fucked around in photoshop. i finally found the brushes i was looking for, it only took forever. they are awesome tho. i havent even loaded all of them into photoshop yet.

after messing with that for a bit, he logged in. ive been thinking about him and a few different things today. and i just feel it necessary to take the time once again to thank him for being the wonderful man he is. i cant explain fully whats he has done for me.. but none of it goes unnoticed. i feel better about myself, im finding i dont care as much about what other people think about me (dont get me wrong, i still care too much.. just not to the extent it was before) because i know regardless i have my best friend there for me whenever i need him. ive realized that with him allowing me to be myself and not passing judgment.. it makes me want to be a better me. not just for my own reasons, but because he deserves nothing short of the best whether its regarding friends, work or anything. just like i do, too. and now, whether he knows it or not.. hes given me that kick in the ass i needed to realize that i can accomplish anything i want and that i deserve the best, too.

before the truth came out and him and i were couple..  one of us said that the two of us together were unstoppable and that we could accomplish anything we wanted to. honestly, i only half believed that because i knew that i was keeping my secret from him. since the truth came out and hes still around, still by my side.. even tho it may be in a different manner now.. i fully believe thats true. we make an incredible team. our friendship is one in a million, just like him. we can accomplish anything and everything we put our minds to and i know we both know that the other will always be there to back each other up, encourage one another and push each other to our full potential. what more could you possibly ask for in a best friend? we truly are a force to be reckoned with.

(this next bit is just for him, even tho everyone can read it, lol)
i know ive said it before and i know ill say it again, but.. thank you. thank you for being the absolutely amazing, superfuckin cool man you are and helping me realize that im more than just the girl in the wheelchair.. thank you for helping me become a better me and for helping me to break free of the thought that the chair defines who i am. theres no way i could ever repay you for all that youve done for me.. but im always here for you, always. i told you one time that youre stuck with me.. i meant it. because there is no way in hell that i could ever or would ever give up the friendship i have with you. we have something special, friendships like this dont come around often.. so, thank you for being you and letting me be me. i love you, nerdface ;p

alright, enough of that, lol. tomorrow, i dont know what im going to do.. probably call her since i didnt today. i might also go to the animal shelter, but i dont know. my ma was talking about going for like three hours. that just seems like way too much time. well see tho. im also gonna use that excercise thing. from there.. i dont know. ill figure it out tomorrow! for now tho.. its bed time.

i didnt do all that much today.. i woke up kinda tired and almost fell twice while transferring. i ended up just fuckin around in photoshop a lot today. i was searching the internet for some free brushes for it. i found a ton and they all look amazing, so i cant wait to start using them. aside from that i didnt do much. i kept falling asleep, which sucked cause i wanted to read and couldnt keep my eyes open long enough to do so.

its alright tho, im headed to bed as soon as i finish this.. which will be in just a second ;p tomorrow im going to the animal shelter and i get to play with all the little kittens, after that im gonna mess around in photoshop some more and possibly read.. maybe even work on art if my arms arent tired. for now tho, im off to bed before i pass out!