hibernating sounds perfect. i could sleep and sleep.. and just dream. i love dreaming. i have a tattoo on the inside of my forearm it reads ‘..i wanna see movies of my dreams..‘ its from car by built to spill, i love it. you should have a listen, maybe youll love it too or at least like it.. anyway, i digress.. i know a  lot of people might think thats lame. good thing i didnt get a tattoo to please someone else, huh? i got it cause it means something to me.. cause honestly id love nothing more than to share them with certain people. not all, of course. some are just for me, lol. but still, i would love to even sit back and just watch them like a movie. how cool would that be?

since hibernating isnt really an option, i need to get on the case. i have plans. theres NO way im breaking them! i need to get on track and start a routine. i think thats the first step. im thinking up by 8:30am and in bed by 9:30pm.. and then try to actually sleep. after i post, of course. and then with out a doubt id still do wake up calls. i wouldnt cut those out, lol. i dont know what my second step is yet. well, thats not true, i need to work on our website. i also need to work on photoshop and getting sugarmooch up and running as well. plus, i also wanna get back into art. ive been neglecting it and that needs to stop. and i need to start reading. i miss it, i used to read a lot a few years ago. and i miss getting lost in books. he would tell me to read something that i can learn something from.. i like getting lost in my imagination when i read, tho. so ;p

i think thats a good plan routine wise and goal/objective wise. positive mental attitude, thats what this is about. that is what i am about. :)

We must become the change we want to see.
Mahatma Gandhi

my life sucks. i hate everything about it. i especially hate the fact that im in a wheelchair. it sucks. i want to be normal. i dont want to be judged because of the chair. i want to be able to hang out at my friends houses. it sucks hanging out at mine all the time. people get sick of it, i get sick of it. i want to walk. i want to dance. i want to sit on the couch and cuddle with my boyfriend without having to go thru multiple steps to get there. i want to go online and not have people stop talking to me because i tell them about my situation. i dont want to have to worry if the place that i want to go to is accessible. i just want to go. i want to walk up the stairs. i want to run through the sprinkler. i want to walk in the sand. i want to skydive. i want to bungee jump. i want to go on a long road trip. i want to play ding-dong ditch. i want to run. i wanna tackle someone and tickle them to death. i want to be able to shower and get dressed without any help. i want to be able to sneak out of the house and not get caught because of the lift. i want to get caught sneaking back in the house at four in the morning because i feel asleep in my boyfriends arms at his house. i want to be able to storm out of the house when im mad and speed off in my car. i want to drive. i want to play volleyball. i want to be on the track team. i want to be a volunteer at camp not a camper. i want to be able to play the guitar. i want to be happy with myself. i want to be able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with what i see. i want to feel good about myself. i want to be confident with me. i want to go horseback riding. i want to have a picnic on the beach. i want to visit friends when they work the night shift at a 24 hour shop. i want to play in the rain. i want to make snow angels. i want to be able to go on a rollercoaster. i want to be able to go scuba diving. i want to rollerblade. i want to skateboard. i wanna play softball. i want to be able to see eye to eye with people. i want to be comfortable with who i am. i just wanna be normal.