elle jay*

its the little things that frustrate me about being in a chair. simple day to day things that the average person im sure takes for granted. something as simple as putting on a pair of socks or fixing the shirt im wearing could take ten minutes, possibly longer. thats just two things out of countless [...]

i slept all day. i woke up and was sad and instead of facing the day, i pulled the blankets over my head and closed my eyes.. wishing i could live in my dreams forever. everything is so perfect there and then to wake up and come back to the realization that its another day [...]

nothing majorly exciting happened today. i wrote that letter, tho im not sure if it was done correctly. well find out i suppose. there was something i was planning on writing about tonight, but now that im here it totally slipped my mind. oh well, itll come back to me eventually..
so this diet is frustrating. [...]

seriously, this couldnt have come at a more innopportune time. i just finished the graphics for our pages and he set them up and now.. i have no laptop. well, let me rephrase, i have a shitty one i can use, but it has none of my stuff on it.. so basically i dont have [...]

i fell again tonight and im tired. ive fallen asleep 3 different times just waiting for the page to load so i can type this.. and my laptop isnt that slow. and its not even that late. falling really fuckin drains me tho. im also shakey cause of it. and now my wrist hurts more [...]

why do i fucking walk on them for her? i do it all the time too. ill bite my tongue and suffer myself, get angry or frustrated or whatever the case is to avoid getting her pissed off. i really need to knock it off. i think i might do it tho cause she is [...]

my internet has been acting funny all night. im pretty sure its the weather. it went from nice out to stormy with tornado warnings. those are always fun, expecially when im already in bed. id pretty much be fucked. i dont feel every well either. i think im getting a migraine. so this blog might [...]

ok, so this was originally written february of 2006, but i saw it and i decided to post it again. it was kind of a reminder, i might not always have things in my control. i might have to rely on people ive never met before. sometimes i have to ask for help or accept [...]

i dont know what happened to that energy i had last week. it seems to have disappeared and because of that ive fallen twice in the last two days. its really frustrating. i dont know how to put into words exactly how frustrating it is. but when i do fall, it pretty much drains me [...]

a hug. its the only thing i want right now. i just want to physically feel close to someone. i feel like crying. i just want a hug, i want to feel the warmth of someone as they wrap their arms around me and whisper in my ear that everything will be alright.. maybe [...]

today started off pretty fuckin shitty. i wanted to get out of bed, but my phone had no signal. i couldnt call my friend to come help me. no one was home so i couldnt yell down to anyone to come up to help me either. all i could so was sit in bed and [...]

when life hands you lemons, youre supposed to make lemonade.. right? no one ever questions if the lemons are rotten or not. im tired. im tired of my life. im stuck in a rut and i dunno how to get out of it. everything frustrates me. i just wanna be able to do something, myself [...]