another thing i think i might do to keep motivated is to put up some pictures that would remind me of what im working for. i have to admit, i got the idea from him, lol. he thought id make fun of him for doing it himself [weve all got goals!], but i actually thought it was a great idea. so, im going to start looking for some things that remind me of england and maybe some clothes i want or clothes id be able to wear once i hit my goal weight. only thing is i dont have anywhere to put them. hes got an office/studio, i have a bedroom. i think i might have to go get a cork-board and make use off it or i can be creative and maybe possibly make my own. ive done it in the past.. im sure i can do it again. who knows tho, lol. reagardless, i think having those visuals up is exactly what i need to keep me on track. polo does a pretty good job as well, if you remember hes one of the little guys he bought for me. i sent him marco and kept polo. they are our mascots and in all honesty, it really does work. hes just that little reminder of what im working towards and i love it.

so tomorrow is all about gathering things for motivation.. and logo making.. and music finding.. and umm idk what else! lol, ill find out tomorrow i suppose :) as for now tho, its time to sleep.. or at least attempt it cause at the moment im not really sleepy, but i know i should at least try. gotta get that schedule/routine sorted out asap!

Obstacles are things a person sees
when he takes his eyes off his goal.
E. Joseph Cossman

i never thought i would be able to do this, but im so happy this dit is working out for me. ive wanted it for so long and had honestly given up cause nothing seem to have worked. now that it has, im feeling wonderful! dont get me wrong, diet food sucks. big time. but the end result is what im after and as my ma keeps telling me.. “nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” im going to believe her on that one because i know im already feeling great even tho i still have a long way to go.

more exercise is in my future. i cant do much, but its time i start taking what i can do and pushing myself just a little more. not too much tho, i know all too well the effects of overdoing it for myself. thats when i end up getting hurt because im too tired to transfer properly. none of that, its not allowed anymore. i have found some things i can do in my chair for exercise, which is perfect cause while him and i watch jack bauer kick major ass in 24, i can burn calories. my chair has a power seat, so i can lay it back. that way i can do modified sit-ups. its perfect! and its obviously working, so yay!

my birthday is coming up and normally id have a yummy coffee from starbucks and later on in the evening we would go out for dinner. this year, instead of starbucks im just going to have a regular coffee from home with non-fat cream. however, i already decided im gonna use real sugar. ive tried the other shit and thats just what it is, shit. im skipping starbucks coffee, im keepin my damn sugar, lol. and we are still going to go out for dinner. im not worried about that. ive gone out quite a few times since i started the diet and have made very good choices. plus, it kind of pushes me to do a little more exercising, lol. i am sad tho cause ive sworn off dr pepper until im in england. that may sound lame to most people, but i love dr pepper. love, love love it. its all empty calories tho and i dont need those. im gonna miss it tho, haha.

moving on, ive heard from my friend. the one that i got into a fight with back in september. i refused to call her because i felt it was time for her to be the one to step up and take responsibility for how she acted. i wasnt about to call and fix things, she needed to do it when she was ready. apparently, she was ready at 3:40 this morning. we talked for ten minutes or so. she said she didnt wanna miss my birthday [i missed hers.. well i didnt miss it, i wanted to call, but didnt wanna break so i stood my ground] and that she missed me. im happy she called, i missed her too even tho i was mad at her. i think im going to invite her to go to dinner with us on tuesday. :)

its funny that she called and my parents are going  out of town. normally she would be the one to stay with me, but since we werent on speaking terms i had to ask a different friend. im sure we will all still hang out and her and i will definitely be heading to the tattoo parlor so i can start my new ink. i cant wait for that! its almost theraputic. it hurts, but it feels good and i tend to let my mind wander and get lost in my own thoughts while its being down. its just phase one of the new ink tho.. i cant finish it til i get to england and i cant get to england til i get to my goal weight. its all about motivation and positive mental attitude. and thankfully, i have both of those even tho my attitude may slip at times.. it always goes back to it ;D

anyway, its off to bed for me! i have new products to add to our site tomorrow and exercising to do!

Ability is what you’re capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.
Lou Holtz

ive been looking into different places to rent a wheelchair from while im out there, thats one of my main concerns. i need something that can be broken down, but still be electric. but then it still needs to be a chair that is firm compared to most collaspable chairs which usually have soft backs and seats. at this point in time i know i wouldnt be comfortable in something like that for a long period of time. and i plan on being in england for at least a week, week and a half.. who knows at this point really, lol.

im hoping by the time im down to my goal weight, the kind of chair wont matter cause itll be easier for me to shift positions or if need be have someone lift me onto a couch or something of that nature. im getting closer to my goal every day. ive lost a a few more pounds and am down 22.8lbs so far! ive found new exercises i can do from my chair while i watch shows online with him, plus im still wii’ing.

ive been saving up for my trip as well. my new fund jar is for our london excursion while im over there. we plan on going down that way for a night or two, possibly see a friend and his girlfriend while we are there as well. thats what the bowl is for tho. all spare change will go in there and before i head overseas ill cash it and whats ever in there will go towards our mini trip within a trip ;D

im really excited about going over there and getting to hang out with him! its definitely the best motivation and just the kick in the ass that i needed. ive been on diets before. the most i lost was 10lbs and i was in my teen years at that point. the diets i tried after that, i dont know.. i guess i wasnt motivated enough. i didnt care about myself. i didnt feel like anyone did. of course, i know now its not true. but at the time its how i felt. i would cheat on the diet without a second thought.

now tho.. even thinking about cheating on it i feel guilty and choose not to do it. im pretty sure that a big part of that is that i tend to tell him everything. so if i cheated, i would definitely tell him and then id be disappointed in myself and whether he felt the same or not.. i would think he would be. i dont want that. plus, i owe this to myself to stick to it and continue on the road im on because in the long run its all for the better. i didnt think i had the willpower, but ive already proved myself wrong. i will get to my goal weight and when i do.. its england or bust. :)

Strength does not come from physical capacity,
it comes from an indomitable will.
Mahatma Gandhi

tomorrow im supposed to hang out with my friend, well see tho. she likes to make plans and then not do them. she did sound promising tho, so hopefully she will come over, lol. hes going to a rich dad seminar, so i cant wait to hear how it was and what he thought about it. i feel like theres something else going on tomorrow too, but idk what.. lol i guess ill find out tomorrow!