journal entry – original date 03/2003

elle — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:54:52 +0000

pseudo me. myself, but not the real me. the person i want to be. the person i want people to see. the person i wish i was.wouldnt it be great to be yourself, but not be you at all? pseudo me isnt much different than myself. she can walk, shes outgoing and shes thin. i want to be her. get rid of the original me and take the place of the new and improved me. the pseudo me. i wish it were that easy, like casting a movie. no, i dont like you. youre too fat, next please! no, no not you either. we need someone who can walk. next! ah, yes. finally, ive found the pseudo me. now, transfer brains and we are done. if it only it were that easy. but instead im stuck with the original, the enemy. the one i hate. the one i dont want to be. what is there left to do? transform the original? is it possible? maybe. sure, it wouldnt be as good as i would want it to be, but anything is better than the original me.

so this was a journal entry from quite a few years ago. i dont feel exactly the same, but some parts still ring true. regardless, im transforming the original me and ill be better than i even imagined. ;D for now tho, im so tired, i have to pass out! and like i said, the post was originally from a few years ago, im still all about the positive mental attitude!

journal entry – original date 11/2008.

elle — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:51:21 +0000

let me write you a song.
maybe you can play along,

on that yellow guitar of yours
with its yellow pine,
and its f-hole signs.

its magic i tell you
this kindred, unknowingly perfect
coercion of sound and rhythm.

we arent making music,
but the music of our lives.

a constant swift and changing melody
that loves us until the day we die.

elle jay* » journal entry

journal entry – original date 03/2003

journal entry – original date 11/2008.