i really have nothing or importance or interest to talk about atm and im kinda tired.. tomorrow will be a better post.. ;p

tomorrow im supposed to hang out with my friend, well see tho. she likes to make plans and then not do them. she did sound promising tho, so hopefully she will come over, lol. hes going to a rich dad seminar, so i cant wait to hear how it was and what he thought about it. i feel like theres something else going on tomorrow too, but idk what.. lol i guess ill find out tomorrow!

i seriously feel like ive lost weight. i need to get weighed to know for sure.. but i honestly think i did. physically, i feel better than i have in a long time.. and im just getting started. im going to make my goal weight and im going to look absolutely amazing when i do. the wii is definitely helping me get to my goal. it gets my heart rate going, im exercising and i know im burning calories. i love it! i actually looked in the mirror tonight, like really looked and saw myself at my goal weight.. and it felt amazing. so theres no way im giving up til ive reached it. im definitely on the right track and i cant wait to see how it all turns out.

i also went to the abilities expo today. i got a new grabber, its called the telestik. ill post a link on the right for it. its seriously the best one ive had yet. i know i just got it, but i already know it can do so much more than the other ones ive had. its much lighter and the whole concept of it is much more adapted to a person with a disability. so im excited about it. i also went to that sex on wheels: the art of kissing workshop. im glad i went. the stuff the speaker talked about really made a lot of sense and really hit home more than once. a lot of it really made me think about my own situation in a way i never had before. im still processing everything he said. plus, i bought his book, which ill also post a link for.

all-in-all.. it was a really good day. i got to wake him up and have a mini morning dj session for him, then i slept.. woke up, went to the expo, talked to him after work, wii’ed, blogged.. i feel good about myself.. and i like that. :)

tomorrow in no particular order.. css, laugh with my nerdface, wii, read, crochet maybe, art maybe.. probably take a mini nap.. i mean, brainstorm! and then photoshop for a bit.. by then he should be home and then more chatting and laughing with him ;D yay! good plan. i like it!

i searched all of craigslist for jobs today and im pretty sure ive been through all that i can and sent my resume into everyone i thought i could do. now its just a matter of waiting for replies, which lets be honest.. probably wont happen. its fine though. i need to get my shit together and start my own business. stationery. i need to start that shit. i have all the ideas in my head, but as soon as i go to sketch them out for the cards and stuff its like my mind goes blank and all i end up doing is staring at the page for ever. its annoying. id like to do something with the photo shop.. maybe i can come up with stuff on there and then figure out how to get it onto the cards/stationery afterwards.

im still reading my book. i know i said id get little book reports, but i think once im done ill just give a little overall report on it. i was never really good at book reports anyway. even my favorite book that ive read literally 83 times.. i still have trouble explaining what happens in it. and i love that book. the book by the way is called she’s come undone, its by wally lamb. by far the best book i have ever read. written by a guy about a woman through her point of view from the age of four to forty. its just amazing and this may sound weird, but by the time i was finished with it that first time.. which only took 1.5 days to read 480 pages i believe… i felt like she was one of my very best friends. i laughed and cried along with her. its the first book i was ever able to relate to. i never understood what my teachers were talking about until i read it four years after high school, lol.

i feel like im all over the place with my thoughts. i had such a bad migraine and it has just drained me off all the my energy. im having my dad bring up this exercise thing we have in the basement, so i can start workin with that. i have no idea where we are going to put it, but it will be brought up. im excited to start using it again, its been awhile. itll definietely help me with the losing weight issue. which im still working on.. so far, so good.

i feel like im about to pass out, so im going to get some sleep and tomorrow work on some more shit.. what? im not sure of yet.. but im sure itll be something. and i get to talk to him tomorrow!! yay! and im sure ill read and fuck about on craigslist more and start working on designs for my stationery in photoshop. ;D

its something ive wanted for a long time. and now, i feel like im actually in the right frame of mind to do it. i want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with myself. i want to feel good and i want to look good. i know i still wont be the prettiest, i cant change that. but i can change my weight.

it is hard tho, food is a great fuckin thing. especially when youre feeling depressed. its comfort. i know its what ive used in the past, the major draw back with it tho is that as soon as you eat, you feel guilty. then upset. then more depressed.. so what do you do? eat more. its a vicious, vicious circle. but im done with it. im breaking that cycle. there are more productive things out there to do then shove food down my throat. i havent done the depressed binge eating in a long time, but it has been done in the past. but now.. instead of that, im going to draw.. or blog.. or crochet.. anything except give in to my old habits.

the worst part is all the fucking ads they have on tv, in magazines or just driving down the street. its everywhere, around every corner and everyone needs it to live. my will power needs to be stronger.. and i truly feel like im ready to punch my weight in the fucking face and overcome it. i want it more now than ever and i need it. and when i do, itll be one of my greatest accomplishments.. with so many more to follow after.