elle jay* » loss of freedom http://www.ellejay.com nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Wed, 18 Aug 2010 00:11:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 elle jay* http://0.gravatar.com/avatar/8a6bc269a9181f0a68a5d1bc61bce9d0.png?s=48 http://www.ellejay.com damaged goods http://www.ellejay.com/2009/04/damaged-goods/ http://www.ellejay.com/2009/04/damaged-goods/#comments Fri, 10 Apr 2009 04:15:18 +0000 elle http://ellejayxoh.wordpress.com/?p=51 damaged goods, thats what i feel like today. im trying extremely hard to not get into a rut. its a bad place to be. but im tired today.. emotionally, spiritually, somewhat physically. im trying to stick to my new schedule with getting up at a set time and actually being productive during the day, but the past few days havent been going as planned and its getting to me. im extremely tired of being on someone elses schedule. i want to just get up and do whatever it is that i want and it kills me inside knowing i cant. sometimes, i wish i just didnt wake up in the morning. i know thats a horrible thing to say, but still wish for it sometimes.

sometimes i wish that i never walked at all when i was younger. thats part of the problem. i know what its like to walk and get around by myself. i may not have been fast or stealthy, clumsy for the most part.. but it was on my own time. i didnt need help. i dont know how to describe this.. but sometimes when i think about walking or running.. i get this feeling. like the message is getting to my muscles, but they are on a permanent holiday.

i cant let myself fall into depression. i wont allow it. positive thinking.. tomorrow i clean out my room and start my spring out the right way. im pretty sure the saying goes.. clean room (house?), clean mind. i may have that wrong. im sure he will correct me if i am, lol. oh and on a positive note, ive begun my origami.. made a sailboat, failed with an angel fish. but im working on it.

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