hibernating sounds perfect. i could sleep and sleep.. and just dream. i love dreaming. i have a tattoo on the inside of my forearm it reads ‘..i wanna see movies of my dreams..‘ its from car by built to spill, i love it. you should have a listen, maybe youll love it too or at least like it.. anyway, i digress.. i know a  lot of people might think thats lame. good thing i didnt get a tattoo to please someone else, huh? i got it cause it means something to me.. cause honestly id love nothing more than to share them with certain people. not all, of course. some are just for me, lol. but still, i would love to even sit back and just watch them like a movie. how cool would that be?

since hibernating isnt really an option, i need to get on the case. i have plans. theres NO way im breaking them! i need to get on track and start a routine. i think thats the first step. im thinking up by 8:30am and in bed by 9:30pm.. and then try to actually sleep. after i post, of course. and then with out a doubt id still do wake up calls. i wouldnt cut those out, lol. i dont know what my second step is yet. well, thats not true, i need to work on our website. i also need to work on photoshop and getting sugarmooch up and running as well. plus, i also wanna get back into art. ive been neglecting it and that needs to stop. and i need to start reading. i miss it, i used to read a lot a few years ago. and i miss getting lost in books. he would tell me to read something that i can learn something from.. i like getting lost in my imagination when i read, tho. so ;p

i think thats a good plan routine wise and goal/objective wise. positive mental attitude, thats what this is about. that is what i am about. :)

We must become the change we want to see.
Mahatma Gandhi

i went to the movies with my ma today. i havent been to the movies in awhile. we went and saw the brothers bloom, it was a good movie. mark ruffalo and adrian brody are always nice to look at tho lol. after we got out of the show we ran into a sea of people waiting to see the new pixar movie. literally, a sea of people. these fuckin nutters seriously were lined up INSIDE the theater waiting for the one show to end so they could then go in. the line was even blocking one of the exits. it was ridiculous. i dont understand people today. theres no way my ma would have waited with us to go see that  if we were little, just like i wouldnt wait if i had kids. it would be a “sorry kids, maybe next weekend.”

on our way back to the car a man passed us. now, ive been in the chair since i was seven. i have had people stare at me all my life, but none in all my years to the extent this man did. he had been staring since he turned the corner onto the block and when he got about 10-15 feet away made eye contact. and not like normal ‘hey thats a person, im going to acknowledge them and look away cause they caught me staring’ kinda eye contact.. but like borderline creepy/uncomfortable eye contact. as he passed us he literally turned his head and body to continue. it was weird. i looked back just to make sure he was gone cause he kinda creeped me out. we headed to the shop afterward for some shit my ma needed and went to park in the handicap spot, but it was occupied.. by a guy waiting on someone in the shop.. and he didnt have tags. some people are such assholes. the spots are there for a reason and its not ok, even if youre ‘just running in for a minute’. we shouldnt have to ask you to move so i can get out of the car when i want. jackasses, you know who you are.

following that we headed home and i had dinner. my diet is going exceptionally well. honestly, i thought id be hungry and stuff. im not in the least. i dont think ive ever had all the servings of veggies and fruits youre supposed to have in a day, ever. i am now lol. the only thing thats killin me about the whole thing is all the extra transfers for the bathroom cause of all the water ive been drinking. after that, i headed upstairs and fucked around in photoshop. i finally found the brushes i was looking for, it only took forever. they are awesome tho. i havent even loaded all of them into photoshop yet.

after messing with that for a bit, he logged in. ive been thinking about him and a few different things today. and i just feel it necessary to take the time once again to thank him for being the wonderful man he is. i cant explain fully whats he has done for me.. but none of it goes unnoticed. i feel better about myself, im finding i dont care as much about what other people think about me (dont get me wrong, i still care too much.. just not to the extent it was before) because i know regardless i have my best friend there for me whenever i need him. ive realized that with him allowing me to be myself and not passing judgment.. it makes me want to be a better me. not just for my own reasons, but because he deserves nothing short of the best whether its regarding friends, work or anything. just like i do, too. and now, whether he knows it or not.. hes given me that kick in the ass i needed to realize that i can accomplish anything i want and that i deserve the best, too.

before the truth came out and him and i were couple..  one of us said that the two of us together were unstoppable and that we could accomplish anything we wanted to. honestly, i only half believed that because i knew that i was keeping my secret from him. since the truth came out and hes still around, still by my side.. even tho it may be in a different manner now.. i fully believe thats true. we make an incredible team. our friendship is one in a million, just like him. we can accomplish anything and everything we put our minds to and i know we both know that the other will always be there to back each other up, encourage one another and push each other to our full potential. what more could you possibly ask for in a best friend? we truly are a force to be reckoned with.

(this next bit is just for him, even tho everyone can read it, lol)
i know ive said it before and i know ill say it again, but.. thank you. thank you for being the absolutely amazing, superfuckin cool man you are and helping me realize that im more than just the girl in the wheelchair.. thank you for helping me become a better me and for helping me to break free of the thought that the chair defines who i am. theres no way i could ever repay you for all that youve done for me.. but im always here for you, always. i told you one time that youre stuck with me.. i meant it. because there is no way in hell that i could ever or would ever give up the friendship i have with you. we have something special, friendships like this dont come around often.. so, thank you for being you and letting me be me. i love you, nerdface ;p

alright, enough of that, lol. tomorrow, i dont know what im going to do.. probably call her since i didnt today. i might also go to the animal shelter, but i dont know. my ma was talking about going for like three hours. that just seems like way too much time. well see tho. im also gonna use that excercise thing. from there.. i dont know. ill figure it out tomorrow! for now tho.. its bed time.