for starters, the diet. its going great. ive lost 34.8lbs, thats 2.48 stone. still a long way to go, but i am getting there. my exercise routine has expanded itself throughout my entire day now. im not even going to try to being the stuff ive got myself doing, but its working! i will admit that one of them is when i turn up some music fairly loud and move around in my chair as much as i can while i dance to it. its the one exercise id be embarrassed to be caught doing.. by anyone, lol.  my song of choice was pretty much given to me as my theme song by my nerdface. he definitely hit the nail on the head with it too. its called “on a mission” by gabriella cilmi.

its time to really get my ass in gear tho because england is just around the corner! just a little over three months and i plan on being there. reservations are in the making as are all the other little details i need to go thru before heading across the pond. i never really got that saying, across the pond. lets call it like it is shall we? a fuckin’ ocean. a very big, very cold ocean. that under normal circumstances i would be terrified of flying over for two reasons; 1. its a fucking ocean and 2. its flying.. over a fuckin ocean. ok, so maybe i still am a little nervous. however! its nothing like i thought it would be. check back in about three months and we will see if i have the same answer, lol. anyway, im getting all the little details sorted out and progress is moving along. ive done my research and now its time to act and make our plans a reality.

im still planning on getting some new ink before i head out there and then have it completed when im there. hopefully, ill be doing that soon. i need to draw up a design for a friend of mine looking for a gemini tattoo idea. once thats done we can head over to the place that my brother used to get his ink done at. im actually looking forward to that a lot. i think itll definitely be a therapeutic experience and probably something i need for a little closure with the whole thing. i think its a big reason theres some tension going on with my folks and myself lately. were dealing with it the best we can, but i think weve hit the ceiling on the situation. well figure it out tho because i know that no matter what they love me and i love them. i think we all just lose sight of that sometimes.

a big part of the negativity was lack of progess, ideas, creativity, projects.. im fixing that too. ive finally gotten my website up for my graphic design business. im going to also be making stationery/notecards. and i have a few other ideas up my sleeve as well. but there they shall remain for the time being. i just know i need to get back into my art big time and check on some dates for this summers array of street festivals. ;D adding that to my to-do list right now as a matter of fact!

alright, time for me to get back on the case! or maybe take a nap.. no, no nap. resistance will not win!! ;p

It’s the constant and determined effort that breaks
down all resistance, sweeps away all obstacles.
Claude M. Bristol

speaking of diets.. only 27 more pounds to go before i hit my short term goal. so, yay! i also think my sleeping schedule is back on track. its been a long time since ive been ready to go to bed by 10/11pm, but for the past couple days i have been and then ive been up around 8am.. on my own accord! lol, that hasnt happened in ages! i just need to keep it up, especially when the folks go out of town. thats when it could go downhill. i refuse to let it tho. i kind of like being up early, getting my to-do list for the day together and then slowly checkin them off. feels like im accomplishing thing.. well, thats cause i am, but it feels better to actually be able to check whatever it is off the list. see the progression rather than just move from one thing to the next.

so, ive been thinking about the new ink i want and as much as i want to do it right this second.. i think im going to wait until i reach my short term goal. just like im waiting til im out in england to finish it, i have to wait til i hit my 30lbs by april 1st mark before i can start it. i think itll be the perfect reward and then i can take new pictures of myself 60lbs lighter and with new ink. itll be perfect! anyway, i have things to do! time to get on the case :)

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.
Mike Murdock

not this time around. i asked countless times with no results. then he goes, “if you wanna know, ill tell you.” of course i wanna know! “ye– no– yes! nono! dont tell me….. tell me. no dont!” im pretty sure my answer was different variations of that every time the questioned was asked. i wanted to know, but the anticipation was even better. he didnt tell me.i called and woke him up for work that morning and he sleepily sang me happy birthday. i loved it, it was really cute. another phone call later and he was off to work, unfortunately it was a double.

later on that morning after i woke up my ma comes up to my room with a package and the rest of the mail. she starts sorting thru her stuff while i sit there with my prezzie. tape still intact, scissors needed. i was in bed still, scissors were not an option. so i pry at the tape for a second and in the process ask my ma to help. when shes done with the mail. fuck that. i have been waiting for this package for a week and some odd days. i pulled and peeled the tape as much as i could..

twenty minutes later after a minor issue with the tape, i was in. he even got it gift wrapped ;D i wasnt expecting that at all. it was a sweet touch. two prezzies all wrapped up nice looked up at me from the box. i knew the larger one was the how to book, i opened it and flipped thru it a minute before going back to the other one. i knew this one was a book too, but i had no idea which one. i ripped the paper and all i saw was the red D and black background. i immediately knew what it was! a book by hank motherfuckin moody! if you dont know who that is, be ashamed. do yourself a favor and go check out the first episode of californication. if youre not hooked by the end, well then.. id say theres something wrong with you. lol, i kid. but seriously one of our favorites.

i am so excited about this book. i absolutely love it and i hadnt even read it yet. my ma of course gave me an odd look when she heard the name. i explained the significance of the book  to her, but i dont think she got it. oh well, i did. he had asked me what i wanted for my birthday. i said hank moody. he delivered. granted the real hank moody would have been much more appreciated.. lol maybe next year! regardless, i havent been able to put it down. im almost done and even just talking about it here makes me wanna stop posting and pick the book back up. i texted him to let him know i got it and i loved it and he said he had a surprise for me. turns out his double ended up not being a double. yay! that meant hanging out and more 24. and we did, it was great. :)

my ma went out to pick up our dinner. i finally decided on thai. it was delicious and i didnt feel guilty eating it. thats always a plus, lol. i hung out downstairs the rest of the night with my parents and we ended up playing wii for a couple hours. my dad bitched, my ma and i laughed at him. he bitched more and lost.. numerous times, lol. it was fun :) no one fought all night and my ma even got me a low fat yummy ice cream dessert for my birthday complete with peanut butter cups, my favorite! it was actually a very nice evening with my folks. im glad we decided to stay in and hang out at home. my friend even stopped by later after class to gimme a little prezzie to last me til friday, which was awesome of her.

im going for my tattoo this upcoming week and im excited. i feel like its something i need to get me in motion. this is going to be a year of changes for me. im really serious about getting on track. and this is by far the perfect year to get it done. i have my support, my motivation, my positive mental attitude and me results so far speak for themselves. its working so far. now to raise the bar. for now tho, i really need sleep. my hands are tired and my eyes keep wanting to shut. as much as i wanna read the rest of my new book.. i dont think tonight is gonna be the night i find out how it ends! sleepydoodle time, lol.

You won’t know the power of the journey until you step up each rung of  the
ladder toward what you want. Then, even if you get to the top and find this
dream is no longer desirable, you will be viewing life from a higher vantage
point and you will have grown in you’re ability to chase your dreams.
Troy Fontana

i never thought i would be able to do this, but im so happy this dit is working out for me. ive wanted it for so long and had honestly given up cause nothing seem to have worked. now that it has, im feeling wonderful! dont get me wrong, diet food sucks. big time. but the end result is what im after and as my ma keeps telling me.. “nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” im going to believe her on that one because i know im already feeling great even tho i still have a long way to go.

more exercise is in my future. i cant do much, but its time i start taking what i can do and pushing myself just a little more. not too much tho, i know all too well the effects of overdoing it for myself. thats when i end up getting hurt because im too tired to transfer properly. none of that, its not allowed anymore. i have found some things i can do in my chair for exercise, which is perfect cause while him and i watch jack bauer kick major ass in 24, i can burn calories. my chair has a power seat, so i can lay it back. that way i can do modified sit-ups. its perfect! and its obviously working, so yay!

my birthday is coming up and normally id have a yummy coffee from starbucks and later on in the evening we would go out for dinner. this year, instead of starbucks im just going to have a regular coffee from home with non-fat cream. however, i already decided im gonna use real sugar. ive tried the other shit and thats just what it is, shit. im skipping starbucks coffee, im keepin my damn sugar, lol. and we are still going to go out for dinner. im not worried about that. ive gone out quite a few times since i started the diet and have made very good choices. plus, it kind of pushes me to do a little more exercising, lol. i am sad tho cause ive sworn off dr pepper until im in england. that may sound lame to most people, but i love dr pepper. love, love love it. its all empty calories tho and i dont need those. im gonna miss it tho, haha.

moving on, ive heard from my friend. the one that i got into a fight with back in september. i refused to call her because i felt it was time for her to be the one to step up and take responsibility for how she acted. i wasnt about to call and fix things, she needed to do it when she was ready. apparently, she was ready at 3:40 this morning. we talked for ten minutes or so. she said she didnt wanna miss my birthday [i missed hers.. well i didnt miss it, i wanted to call, but didnt wanna break so i stood my ground] and that she missed me. im happy she called, i missed her too even tho i was mad at her. i think im going to invite her to go to dinner with us on tuesday. :)

its funny that she called and my parents are going  out of town. normally she would be the one to stay with me, but since we werent on speaking terms i had to ask a different friend. im sure we will all still hang out and her and i will definitely be heading to the tattoo parlor so i can start my new ink. i cant wait for that! its almost theraputic. it hurts, but it feels good and i tend to let my mind wander and get lost in my own thoughts while its being down. its just phase one of the new ink tho.. i cant finish it til i get to england and i cant get to england til i get to my goal weight. its all about motivation and positive mental attitude. and thankfully, i have both of those even tho my attitude may slip at times.. it always goes back to it ;D

anyway, its off to bed for me! i have new products to add to our site tomorrow and exercising to do!

Ability is what you’re capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.
Lou Holtz

the diet is going well, ive lost a couple more pounds. im down a shirt size or two and my rings will no longer stay on my fingers. ive also been saving up for my trip to england once i hit my goal weight. im really excited about that and it it definitely keeping me motivated. whenever i think about how much dieting actually sucks and wonder why im going it to begin with, i just remember that i get to go hang out with him and get some fresh ink while im out there as well.

speaking of him, were slowly progressing with the website, check out the side bar for links. products are up and payment methods work.. were just trying to get the blog going for it, otherwise its good to go. granted we will continually be adding products and stuff, but theres enough on there now for it to get off its feet. i know ive said it before, but him and i make a good team. except when we distract each other from the task at hand, like the website, lol. but even then still a great team! team geek ’86, lol. none of you will know what that means and i refuse to explain. ;p

my ma is had been getting on my nerves, but im dealing with it as best i can. tomorrow were going to the mall cause she wants to get on a familu plan for the phones. basically she wants to be on my plan. it annoys me, but shes balckmailing me, so i have to. who knows tho, maybe itll make my phone bill cheaper in the long run anyway.. nothing wrong with that!

aside from all that, not much has been going on.. so im going to head to bed and see where my day takes me tomorrow. oh! if you dont know what yearbookyourself.com is.. check it out, ill link it in the side bar. it is fuckin hilarious! him and i are still laughing about it, lol.