elle jay* » reading

bears have it made.

elle — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 08:50:27 +0000

i wanna hibernate. just go to bed right around the time the cold weather rolls in and wake up when its warm again. how fucking perfect is that? i think id give something up for that. i dont know what, but i would. maybe chocolate. id have to think about it first tho. i feel like im falling into a rut. i have a strong suspicion it has to do with the weather. its got power over me. the minute it gets cold, i dont wanna get out of bed. the house is never warm. oh, wait. let me rephrase, the house is only warm when my grandparents are in town or the family is over. suddenly its ok to turn the heat on. its bullshit.

hibernating sounds perfect. i could sleep and sleep.. and just dream. i love dreaming. i have a tattoo on the inside of my forearm it reads ‘..i wanna see movies of my dreams..‘ its from car by built to spill, i love it. you should have a listen, maybe youll love it too or at least like it.. anyway, i digress.. i know a lot of people might think thats lame. good thing i didnt get a tattoo to please someone else, huh? i got it cause it means something to me.. cause honestly id love nothing more than to share them with certain people. not all, of course. some are just for me, lol. but still, i would love to even sit back and just watch them like a movie. how cool would that be?

since hibernating isnt really an option, i need to get on the case. i have plans. theres NO way im breaking them! i need to get on track and start a routine. i think thats the first step. im thinking up by 8:30am and in bed by 9:30pm.. and then try to actually sleep. after i post, of course. and then with out a doubt id still do wake up calls. i wouldnt cut those out, lol. i dont know what my second step is yet. well, thats not true, i need to work on our website. i also need to work on photoshop and getting sugarmooch up and running as well. plus, i also wanna get back into art. ive been neglecting it and that needs to stop. and i need to start reading. i miss it, i used to read a lot a few years ago. and i miss getting lost in books. he would tell me to read something that i can learn something from.. i like getting lost in my imagination when i read, tho. so ;p

i think thats a good plan routine wise and goal/objective wise. positive mental attitude, thats what this is about. that is what i am about. :)

We must become the change we want to see.
Mahatma Gandhi

im so tired

elle — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 02:03:36 +0000

i feel drained today. i dont know if its from using that exercise thing or not, but my arms and hands are tired and i could pass out right now.. in fact, i can guarantee that this wont be a lengthy blog tonight. ive already passed out a few times tonight. i didnt do much today, just started reading ‘rich dad, poor dad’ as suggested by him. i actually like it, i mean.. i like reading in general, but we have had that book forever and not once did i think to read it. i just didnt interest me. but, i told him i would and i am.. its just a bonus that i like it too lol.

aside from that, he decided on what our business is gonna be. im super excited cause were going to be doing graphic designs/logos. ive already done one that he had me do for a friend of his and he loved it. there might even be shirts printed, which is rather exciting. ;D now i need to start making up some fake logos to put on the site were gonna have so people can see my work and then buy shit from us so we can become rich and take over the world!! mwhahaha.. lol ok sorry about that.. got carried away.. and im loopy cause im sleepy.

i think its about my bedtime. tomorrow tho.. definitely more reading and then logos.. and of course emails galore between him and i while he works. aside from that… who knows what tomorrow will bring :) maybe ill be inspired to draw or paint if my arms arent too tired.

eggshells

elle — Sun, 17 May 2009 04:45:18 +0000

why do i fucking walk on them for her? i do it all the time too. ill bite my tongue and suffer myself, get angry or frustrated or whatever the case is to avoid getting her pissed off. i really need to knock it off. i think i might do it tho cause she is the only friend i really have that i hang out with on a regular basis and im afraid to lose that. its a horrible reason to not speak my mind tho. sometimes, i feel like its almost used against me. like she knows that i dont have anyone else.. and almost walks on me in a way. i dont know tho. i told her today that my ma would be helping me in the mornings and the hours would be split between them because im tired of getting up at three in the afternoon. she laughed in a way that.. i dont know how to explain it, but it was almost like a “fuck you”.. i could have been reading into it.. who knows?

i didnt do much today since i didnt get up until.. honestly, i dont remember. i think it was about 6pm. i did get my shower and she changed my sheets. she bitched about some stuff, too. i almost wanted to be a bitch back, but once again i held my tongue. anyway, i didnt get really anything done today. i found a few more jobs on craigslist and i started a couple different designs in photoshop.

tomorrow im going to a musical, mary poppins.. so i wont be able to work on much during the day. but when i come home ill have time to mess around with more stuff in photoshop and maybe even read a little more. hell, i might even dj tomorrow night.. who the fuck knows, lol.

over and over

elle — Tue, 12 May 2009 04:38:44 +0000

..and over again. didnt get up til 3pm today. which in turns means i didnt get to bring his prezzies to the post office. tomorrow tho, for sure. i cant wait til i get someone new to take over mornings for her. she was in a bad mood tonight when she came over to help me into bed. it pisses me off cause i always feel like i have to walk on eggshells for her when shes in a bad mood. if the situation was reversed tho, things are totally different. its like the end of the world if im pissy, but if she is its perfectly fine. that gets so old, so fast.

i applied for some jobs tonight. well not so much applied as sent in my resume, so i hope i hear back from them soon. i could use the time away from home. or at least have a reason for being in my room and online that doesnt make my ma all bitchy. apparently, my reasons arent good enough for her. i also worked on my art today.. almost done with the ground and then im gonna start on the sky. i cant wait to see what it looks like when its done cause it looks pretty cool now as well.

ive also been reading my book. i dont know how well its going to work for me, but i guess we will see in the end. im keeping my positive mental attitude about the whole thing. i think tomorrow im going to start his scarf instead of finish the one im working on. lets face it, the one i am working on isnt one anyone is going to wear, lol. its not wide enough for a decent scarf. i heard from a couple friends today, too. they just had a baby last month. they sent a bunch of pictures over. shes precious, i wish i had a baby of my own. id love to be a mom. sorry, i feel like im rambling. and im not sorry, its my blog, right? i can ramble if i want!

im not gonna go on anymore tonight tho.. i dont have much to say, i dont feel well. so, im gonna attempt to nap, which wont happen cause im anticipating him waking up, lol. im gonna read tho and hopefully ill feel better tomorrow. post office tomorrow! yay! ;D