thirty-five pounds down and ive seemed to come to a dead halt. im working hard on breaking free of this plateau i seem to be stuck on tho. im ready to take a running leap off of it to be honest. tomorrow starts a more intense work out. well, intense may be the wrong word, but itll be a little bit more than what i have been doing without killing myself or making myself too tired to be able to transfer myself cause thats no fun. i feel like i should be off exercising right now. hell, i think i might. ive got the motiviation, ive got the music.. i definitely have the time!

my future awaits.. its time for me to get on the case a bit more and not let it wait for too long. :)

for starters, the diet. its going great. ive lost 34.8lbs, thats 2.48 stone. still a long way to go, but i am getting there. my exercise routine has expanded itself throughout my entire day now. im not even going to try to being the stuff ive got myself doing, but its working! i will admit that one of them is when i turn up some music fairly loud and move around in my chair as much as i can while i dance to it. its the one exercise id be embarrassed to be caught doing.. by anyone, lol.  my song of choice was pretty much given to me as my theme song by my nerdface. he definitely hit the nail on the head with it too. its called “on a mission” by gabriella cilmi.

its time to really get my ass in gear tho because england is just around the corner! just a little over three months and i plan on being there. reservations are in the making as are all the other little details i need to go thru before heading across the pond. i never really got that saying, across the pond. lets call it like it is shall we? a fuckin’ ocean. a very big, very cold ocean. that under normal circumstances i would be terrified of flying over for two reasons; 1. its a fucking ocean and 2. its flying.. over a fuckin ocean. ok, so maybe i still am a little nervous. however! its nothing like i thought it would be. check back in about three months and we will see if i have the same answer, lol. anyway, im getting all the little details sorted out and progress is moving along. ive done my research and now its time to act and make our plans a reality.

im still planning on getting some new ink before i head out there and then have it completed when im there. hopefully, ill be doing that soon. i need to draw up a design for a friend of mine looking for a gemini tattoo idea. once thats done we can head over to the place that my brother used to get his ink done at. im actually looking forward to that a lot. i think itll definitely be a therapeutic experience and probably something i need for a little closure with the whole thing. i think its a big reason theres some tension going on with my folks and myself lately. were dealing with it the best we can, but i think weve hit the ceiling on the situation. well figure it out tho because i know that no matter what they love me and i love them. i think we all just lose sight of that sometimes.

a big part of the negativity was lack of progess, ideas, creativity, projects.. im fixing that too. ive finally gotten my website up for my graphic design business. im going to also be making stationery/notecards. and i have a few other ideas up my sleeve as well. but there they shall remain for the time being. i just know i need to get back into my art big time and check on some dates for this summers array of street festivals. ;D adding that to my to-do list right now as a matter of fact!

alright, time for me to get back on the case! or maybe take a nap.. no, no nap. resistance will not win!! ;p

It’s the constant and determined effort that breaks
down all resistance, sweeps away all obstacles.
Claude M. Bristol

thats what i realized today. ive lost 1.5lbs in a matter of 3 days. why? cause im determined. im motivated. ive got that grrrr factor back and im not letting it slip away again! ive added new things i can do to exercise even when im sitting in bed.. kinda like im doing now while i type this post. its eleven at night and im exercising even tho i can wait til the morning. why? cause i want this more than anything and i have deadlines and goals to meet. even the littlest movements can help, thats obvious after my last weigh-in. and it will be even more obvious after the next one and the one after that and so on ;D

30lbs by april 1st. pfft, thatll be a piece of proverbial cake ;D lol. for now tho i need sleep, i have a business meeting in the morning with my cousin! sleepydoodle time! positive mental attitude for the win! lol

When you know what you want
and you want it badly enough,
you’ll find a way to get it.
Jim Rohn

so, ive set a short term goal.. 30lbs by april 1st. that means by his birthday ill have lost 4stone.. or 56lbs. which means!!! only 44 after that! see it sounds better already, lol. honestly tho, regardless of how i split it up or what short term goals i make.. it doesnt matter cause come mid-august ill be at my goal weight and on my way to england! ive never been so determined about anything in my entire life. i cant help it tho, just the thought of being out there gets me so anxious and excited.

i feel like this is seriously going to be a great year for me. i can feel it! im already on track with this weight loss and im working on saving up the cash for my trip. and im working on getting the graphic design business going.. seriously, 2010 is the year of change for the better! anyway, im freakin tired and really need to get some rest if i ever wanna be done being sick. longer post tomorrow, promise ;)

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Lao Tzu

i never thought i would be able to do this, but im so happy this dit is working out for me. ive wanted it for so long and had honestly given up cause nothing seem to have worked. now that it has, im feeling wonderful! dont get me wrong, diet food sucks. big time. but the end result is what im after and as my ma keeps telling me.. “nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” im going to believe her on that one because i know im already feeling great even tho i still have a long way to go.

more exercise is in my future. i cant do much, but its time i start taking what i can do and pushing myself just a little more. not too much tho, i know all too well the effects of overdoing it for myself. thats when i end up getting hurt because im too tired to transfer properly. none of that, its not allowed anymore. i have found some things i can do in my chair for exercise, which is perfect cause while him and i watch jack bauer kick major ass in 24, i can burn calories. my chair has a power seat, so i can lay it back. that way i can do modified sit-ups. its perfect! and its obviously working, so yay!

my birthday is coming up and normally id have a yummy coffee from starbucks and later on in the evening we would go out for dinner. this year, instead of starbucks im just going to have a regular coffee from home with non-fat cream. however, i already decided im gonna use real sugar. ive tried the other shit and thats just what it is, shit. im skipping starbucks coffee, im keepin my damn sugar, lol. and we are still going to go out for dinner. im not worried about that. ive gone out quite a few times since i started the diet and have made very good choices. plus, it kind of pushes me to do a little more exercising, lol. i am sad tho cause ive sworn off dr pepper until im in england. that may sound lame to most people, but i love dr pepper. love, love love it. its all empty calories tho and i dont need those. im gonna miss it tho, haha.

moving on, ive heard from my friend. the one that i got into a fight with back in september. i refused to call her because i felt it was time for her to be the one to step up and take responsibility for how she acted. i wasnt about to call and fix things, she needed to do it when she was ready. apparently, she was ready at 3:40 this morning. we talked for ten minutes or so. she said she didnt wanna miss my birthday [i missed hers.. well i didnt miss it, i wanted to call, but didnt wanna break so i stood my ground] and that she missed me. im happy she called, i missed her too even tho i was mad at her. i think im going to invite her to go to dinner with us on tuesday. :)

its funny that she called and my parents are going  out of town. normally she would be the one to stay with me, but since we werent on speaking terms i had to ask a different friend. im sure we will all still hang out and her and i will definitely be heading to the tattoo parlor so i can start my new ink. i cant wait for that! its almost theraputic. it hurts, but it feels good and i tend to let my mind wander and get lost in my own thoughts while its being down. its just phase one of the new ink tho.. i cant finish it til i get to england and i cant get to england til i get to my goal weight. its all about motivation and positive mental attitude. and thankfully, i have both of those even tho my attitude may slip at times.. it always goes back to it ;D

anyway, its off to bed for me! i have new products to add to our site tomorrow and exercising to do!

Ability is what you’re capable of doing.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it.
Lou Holtz

they are planning on retiring in arizona. so, they are going out there to go house shopping. granted they wont actually be moving out there for another five years or more. im not really sure what their plans are exactly, but i know my ma has mentioned staying out there in the winter and stuff cause she doesnt really want to sell the house were in now. personally, i dont want them to sell the house were in now either.

my ma and i have talked about it before. i told her that she should let me and a couple friends rent the house while they are gone and then when they come into town obviously they would stay here. i think it would be cool. i really would love to have a place of my own, but to be honest it would be difficult to do that because things do need to be set up a certain way so i can transfer and all that jazz. however, by the time i get down to my goal weight it might be so easy that it doesnt matter how things are set up cause ill be able to do my transfers regardless. who knows tho, that ill have to just wait and see about.

honestly, i dont want to move out to arizona, but i know i dont want to stay in chicago either. im hoping that when i lose all this weight, itll also give me a sense of freedom. i know ill be able to transfer easier. but it also means other people will be able to help me easier, lift me if need be. hell, they will even be able to carry me up stairs if its needed. ill be able to go places ive never been able to go and do things ive never been able to do. i know itll give me the confidence im currently lacking. and maybe just maybe, ill be able to live where ever i want to live because everything else will be so much easier for me.

and if thats not the case.. well him and i will always have our huts on the beach when we become successful and rich! lol

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

i love laughing. im pretty sure its one of my favorite things to do, like in my top 3. so, i knew exactly what i was going to do this halloween. and no, it wasnt going to be me dressing in black with a shoelace strung up the front of my shirt claiming im a roller skate. however, if i were to be invited to a halloween party, i promise i will go dressed as exactly that! i think im safe there tho. that doesnt happen much and this isnt the movies. so im not going to have some secret reader send me a message and blah, blah, blah hollywood ending, yay! yea, its not like that, lol.

ANYWAY! sorry, got off track for a minute there. i knew i had to send him some edible treats with inside jokes thrown in. to be honest, i love sending packages to people, but i have no one to send to really.. tho now that im thinking about it.. that could be a good business. i should look into that. like a care package mail order type deal. that could be the other page i have! oh man, i just got a bunch of ideas all at once! i need to look into this shit tomorrow. ;D

ok, so once again off track! tangents for the win! \o/* so, i went out the other morning with my ma in search of edible treats and such. for starters the day was gorgeous! this was after some craptastic weather. oh, before we went for thr treats i had to go get my state ID updated. i looked good that day and thats not something i would normally say about myself, but im really starting to see the changes with my weight and its slowy but surely making me feel better about myself. today, for instance, a ring ive been wearing since i was sixteen fell right off my finger! for a second i thought it fell stright thru the elevator shaft, but luckily it didnt. so yea, twenty-one pounds down and counting!

and the winner for most tangents in one post goes to… *drumroll*…elle! yay! — im allowed to be lame sometimes. dont judge me, lol. cause jesus may love you, but i think youre a cunt. ;D just kidding. calm down and dont get your panties in a bunch. if it offends you.. im pretty sure thats the point. ;D no hard feelings. we can still play kissyface on the weekends. lmfao

moving on.. and i apologize and congratulate you at the same time for making it this far thru my ramblings ;p yea..  so the treats! i picked out some candy, of course having to make sure i got reesees peeeeceees. ;p and i thought about sending him another box of froot loops, but i decided against it. for the hell of it tho, i thought i would see if they had individual servings of cereals. to be honest, i didnt think they did! i was wrong, tho. i totally found single serving froot loops! ;D you may not get how excited i was to find these, but i know he does haha. my chair has a power seat on it and i raised it to to grab the only one i saw. just because i could, i double checked every shelf and lo and behold! i found another.now he can make a telephone and be the coolest kid on the block!

the pens are because.. well because i know theyll be put to use, lol. the back and body is for exactly what it says. if you havent used it for aches and pains before. do yourself a favor and buy some next time youre out. they work wonderfully! they always work for me so im hoping they work for him when his back starts to hurt. i might swipe one before i send it, but dont tell him that =x lol. oh! i also finally bought myself some sharpie pens and i fucking love them! best purchase ever!

my dorkiness comes into play with the pumpkin bucket, lol. since it is halloween.. and in all honesty i do love to get into the creative side of gift giving. some silly little martha stewart-esque quailty about it, just not as elaborate. so i searched the shop high and low and all thru their halloween stuff until i came across that little guy. i think its cute and its silly enough to get a giggle out of him. plus, then he can use it for change. see its useful and cute! even if it sits in a drawer, still practical, so ;p

i havent sent the package yet. the weather hasnt been in my favor today and yesterday my ma had other plans. so i have to wait until monday or tuesday most likely. either way, it should get there before or on halloween which works. hell, even if it doesnt. im sure it wont be the end of the world, lol. and yes, i posted a pic of his treats and yes he reads my posts.. thats because he already knows what hes getting cause we are rubbish at keeping surprises from each other. however, i am making a few adjustments to it that will be a surprise. :) just cause itll be silly, hehe.

so to sum it up… laughing is awesome. edible treats will be on their way to him soon. things are going good with me despite a couple bad days this past week or so. i like sending care packages and need to look into starting a business. oh and, tho i didnt mention it before, i need to work on our shop page more, the link is in the side bar :) its coming along well, i just need to add more products and post a bit more. were getting there tho! anyway, that was quite the ramble, lol. it happens. ;)

*\o/ = yay arms

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Victor Borge

]]> http://www.ellejay.com/2009/10/no-tricks-just-treats/feed/ 0 http://www.ellejay.com/2009/10/well-then/ http://www.ellejay.com/2009/10/well-then/#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:31:58 +0000 elle http://ellejayxoh.wordpress.com/?p=626 i really dont have much to say at the moment, but i thought id touch base. ive lost 21 lbs so far.. so the diet is going well. even with going to a wedding and eating some of the most wonderful food ive ever had, including the worlds best cupcakes.. i still lost weight. so im quite pleased with that whole thing. the diet food isnt the greatest, but its not the worst either. besides, im losing weight. i honestly cant complain. my clothes are getting smaller, im getting smaller and it feels great!

the wedding i went to was a blast and like i said the food was amazing, the bride was amazing.. fuck, the whole thing was just gorgeous. definitely the kind of wedding i had dreams about as a little girl. however, now that im older.. id rather keep it simple. in fact the more simple, the better. im thinking like me, my fiance, the person marrying us and maybe a couple friends for witnesses.. but honestly, who knows if thatll ever happen. im not holding my breath, thats for sure.

even with the whole diet thing going for me.. i still know that at the end of it all.. i still wont look the way i want. my body will never be that perfect body, even if i get down to 100, which i wont cause i think thats too much.. but still. i know i should be happy with the way its working in my favor as is.. but i cant help just thinking what it would be like to be that girl with the perfect body. the one all the boys want and all the girls wanna be like. instead ill be half my size with a body that.. well lets face it, ive been in a chair since i was about seven.. im coming up on almost 20 years of dealing with it.. so you can imagine the shape im in.. literally, its like an “S” shape in a sense..  my legs dont go completely straight, my spine curves thanks to good ol’ scoliosis, my feet curve in from years of sitting on my leg even tho i shouldnt have, but i did cause it made my back feel better.. blah

regardless, i am very happy about the weight loss and the continuing with it.. i just hope that my confidence picks up somewhere along the way.. i know its there… its just a matter of breaking it out of its shell..

i also got back the motivation i lost for doing the geek police website. its not so much that i lost motivation tho.. im not sure what happened to be honest. however, i was at a wedding yesterday and of course was asked what im up to followed by ‘are you in school?’ ..i hate saying i dropped out of college, but i did. it wasnt my thing. i tried it too many times and each and every time i quit. i did tell them that im working on a webpage with my best friend, but we havent really gotten it up and running like we would like.. i wanna be able to tell people that i help run a successful internet website. to do that i need to refocus and put as much effort into that as i can. so starting tomorrow.. im going to be up by 10am at the latest and im going to work on the site for as long as i can… that includes blogging as well. :)

we will take over the world.. slowly, but surely. ;)