another thing i think i might do to keep motivated is to put up some pictures that would remind me of what im working for. i have to admit, i got the idea from him, lol. he thought id make fun of him for doing it himself [weve all got goals!], but i actually thought it was a great idea. so, im going to start looking for some things that remind me of england and maybe some clothes i want or clothes id be able to wear once i hit my goal weight. only thing is i dont have anywhere to put them. hes got an office/studio, i have a bedroom. i think i might have to go get a cork-board and make use off it or i can be creative and maybe possibly make my own. ive done it in the past.. im sure i can do it again. who knows tho, lol. reagardless, i think having those visuals up is exactly what i need to keep me on track. polo does a pretty good job as well, if you remember hes one of the little guys he bought for me. i sent him marco and kept polo. they are our mascots and in all honesty, it really does work. hes just that little reminder of what im working towards and i love it.

so tomorrow is all about gathering things for motivation.. and logo making.. and music finding.. and umm idk what else! lol, ill find out tomorrow i suppose :) as for now tho, its time to sleep.. or at least attempt it cause at the moment im not really sleepy, but i know i should at least try. gotta get that schedule/routine sorted out asap!

Obstacles are things a person sees
when he takes his eyes off his goal.
E. Joseph Cossman

ive been looking into different places to rent a wheelchair from while im out there, thats one of my main concerns. i need something that can be broken down, but still be electric. but then it still needs to be a chair that is firm compared to most collaspable chairs which usually have soft backs and seats. at this point in time i know i wouldnt be comfortable in something like that for a long period of time. and i plan on being in england for at least a week, week and a half.. who knows at this point really, lol.

im hoping by the time im down to my goal weight, the kind of chair wont matter cause itll be easier for me to shift positions or if need be have someone lift me onto a couch or something of that nature. im getting closer to my goal every day. ive lost a a few more pounds and am down 22.8lbs so far! ive found new exercises i can do from my chair while i watch shows online with him, plus im still wii’ing.

ive been saving up for my trip as well. my new fund jar is for our london excursion while im over there. we plan on going down that way for a night or two, possibly see a friend and his girlfriend while we are there as well. thats what the bowl is for tho. all spare change will go in there and before i head overseas ill cash it and whats ever in there will go towards our mini trip within a trip ;D

im really excited about going over there and getting to hang out with him! its definitely the best motivation and just the kick in the ass that i needed. ive been on diets before. the most i lost was 10lbs and i was in my teen years at that point. the diets i tried after that, i dont know.. i guess i wasnt motivated enough. i didnt care about myself. i didnt feel like anyone did. of course, i know now its not true. but at the time its how i felt. i would cheat on the diet without a second thought.

now tho.. even thinking about cheating on it i feel guilty and choose not to do it. im pretty sure that a big part of that is that i tend to tell him everything. so if i cheated, i would definitely tell him and then id be disappointed in myself and whether he felt the same or not.. i would think he would be. i dont want that. plus, i owe this to myself to stick to it and continue on the road im on because in the long run its all for the better. i didnt think i had the willpower, but ive already proved myself wrong. i will get to my goal weight and when i do.. its england or bust. :)

Strength does not come from physical capacity,
it comes from an indomitable will.
Mahatma Gandhi

ive been exercising during the day while im online. i turn on my music and start moving around in my chair as much as possible while i work on the site or graphics. it feels good. makes my back feel better, thats for sure. i texted my cousin tonight. shes been talking about joining weight watchers, but hasnt yet. her and my other cousin were supposed to do it together. to be honest, i dont know if either of them really want to lose the weight, but i know i do. so, when i texted her i asked if she wanted to maybe start coming over on a  regular basis and playing wii with me. its so much fun, but on your own can get slightly boring. plus, if shes serious about losing weight, itll help her and be helping me at the same time.

my parents go out of town in three and a half weeks. im looking forward to a break from them. dont get me wrong, i love my parents. but goddamn, living with them is a whole other story. i know for a fact that if i didnt live at home, my ma and i would get a long so much better. we get along now, but if i were out of the house it would be a much better relationship. however, since im here at least for the time being, im trying to just go with it. and with the new routine i have set for myself, it should keep her off my case.

ok, bedtime for me. i need to be up early!
positive mental attitude + motivation = yay!

A positive mental attitude is the starting point of all riches,
whether they be riches of a material nature or intangible riches.
Napoleon Hill

so now, its going to be my new journal. i got the urge to write a little.. contract with myself, if you will. just a little something to keep me going. and i think im going to write in it on a regular basis. the things i wanna write down, but not share with the world, even if it is with strangers. some things are meant just for me.

i really need to be serious about everything. no more slacking. no more sleeping late. its time to get on with things and really get on track because the more on track i am, the sooner ill be in england and hopefully the more money we have to spend on a little trip to london as well ;D

i know that the cold weather creeping in is going to drag me down. it does it all the time, but i need to do this. i cant let anything get in my way. fuck the weather, fuck anything negative anyone has to say. i can do anything i put my mind to.. hell, i already lost more than i thought i would. i have the support i need and i most definitely have the motivation. now its all up to me.

i see lots of wii’ing in my future.

Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.
John Heywood

so my family ordered out tonight for dinner. so did i. “omg! you cheated on your diet?!” no. no, i did not. i ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. i took it off the bread it came on and onto a whole wheat bun with some light mayo, which im allowed.. and then some lettuce and tomato. and instead of fries, i had my night time snack with dinner, which was bbq soy crisps. so, i think i did a pretty good job with it. the reason i ordered anyway is because the food that is left i just cant bring myself to eat lol.. i will. i just couldnt do it tonight.

after dinner, i wii’ed. not only did i wii.. but i bowled my best game yet! i went from a high score of 178 to 238. i marked in every frame and it was usually a strike.. and i have pics to prove it! just ask him, lol. i had to send it! cause i did such an awesome fucking job. it could just be because i felt so good today. i think my pet project is paying off already. it really was what i needed to get myself back on track. after wii’ing it was back up to finish my closet. i tossed so many clothes. its all going to some charity of some kind tho.

so, for tomorrow… phase two: die dust bunnies. also, my ma was talking about washing the inside of the windows/window frames cause they are dusty.. and he may possibly be online.. but since i cant help her with windows, i can talk to him and go thru alllll my paperwork that i need to file. yay! ;D