first of all, the weather sucks ass. summer isnt so bad, but holy shit does winter suck. i hate the cold with a passion. plus, snow and my wheelchair dont mix well. im tired of being stuck in the house or not even being able to sit out on the deck cause of the weather. oh, but in arizona.. theres sun! and plenty of it.. all year round, too. seriously! they actually have places like that!! who knew?! i need the sun. winter gets me so down in the dumps and sometimes i get to the point where i dont know how to get out of it. gimme my damn vitamin D! no ruts this year tho, thats the plan.. its all about the positive mental attitude for 2010 and years to come hopefully. but for now, its the major component in reaching the goals id like to reach this year. i digress [sorta].. sunshine here i come!

and secondly, i didnt wanna move cause id leave all my friends. seriously tho.. i dont think it matters. this isnt me being all sad and whatnot.. this is me being honest. i have friends, but i dont really see them. ever. its a rarity even when plans are made things always seem to happen and then im left doing nothing. usually tho there are no calls or plans being made.. so if i moved out to arizona it wouldnt be any different, just warmer which we already established is a plus. maybe being out there would be a great fresh start.. by the time we would go ill be a completely different person.. not in my personality, aside from picking up some self-esteem and self-confidence, but i will look completely different. ill be able to go meet new people and not be hating the way i look. new start, new friends sounds pretty good to me. doesnt mean id forget my old friends or leave them behind, especially him. the best friend slot is taken, lol. he already has a room at the arizona house too, haha. ;D

anyway, like i said its still a few years off and who knows where ill be when they are ready to head out that way. fuck, maybe by then ill have my own place in some other state or country for that matter. maybe my own place, maybe a place with roommates, maybe a boyfriend i live with.. who knows?! anything is possible. for now tho, its sleepydoodle time before i wake his ass up, lol. positive mental attitudes, lovlies!!

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t
change it, change the way you think about it.
Mary Engelbreit

so, ive set a short term goal.. 30lbs by april 1st. that means by his birthday ill have lost 4stone.. or 56lbs. which means!!! only 44 after that! see it sounds better already, lol. honestly tho, regardless of how i split it up or what short term goals i make.. it doesnt matter cause come mid-august ill be at my goal weight and on my way to england! ive never been so determined about anything in my entire life. i cant help it tho, just the thought of being out there gets me so anxious and excited.

i feel like this is seriously going to be a great year for me. i can feel it! im already on track with this weight loss and im working on saving up the cash for my trip. and im working on getting the graphic design business going.. seriously, 2010 is the year of change for the better! anyway, im freakin tired and really need to get some rest if i ever wanna be done being sick. longer post tomorrow, promise ;)

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
Lao Tzu